Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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