YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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