My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize