P.S. I can't hear my feet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
