So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize