apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
