Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
