The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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