Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
