a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
