Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
