i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
