i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
