I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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