I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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