The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
