that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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