you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
