Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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