? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
