In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
