i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
