I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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