Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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