sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
