When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We have started to decorate penises.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
