I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
