are you still at the devil's house?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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