I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize