so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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