I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
