I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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