Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
