and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
