I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
