I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
