He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
