He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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