I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
