franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
