If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
