i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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