Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
two words...techno handjob
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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