I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
