If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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