Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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