it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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