You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
