I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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