come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
