Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
