he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I will pee on everything he values.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize