Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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