...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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