Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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