Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
