if you like me you must not know who I am
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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