Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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