i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
