i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
