I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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