you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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