He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
