My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
