Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
