How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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