I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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