I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
