You can't motorboat a personality
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
