having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The chlamydia really affected his face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
