It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
