Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize