The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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