i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
