my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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