Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
