smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
