She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
