State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
